Real Men According to Islam: Character Over Culture
[Arabic,إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ، نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ، وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَسَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا، مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ، وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ، وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ. ]
Indeed, all praise is for Allah. We praise Him, seek His help, and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allah from the evil within ourselves and from the consequences of our wrong actions. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide; whomsoever He leaves astray, none can guide. I bear witness there is no deity worthy of worship but Allah alone without partner, and Muhammad ﷺ is His servant and Messenger.
Part One: Rejecting False Masculinity, Embracing Islamic Character
Brothers, today we address a critical matter that affects every man in this congregation: What truly defines a man according to Islam? The world around us floods us with conflicting messages about manhood. Popular culture glorifies aggression, dominance, and the suppression of emotions. Prison culture creates its own distorted version, where respect is measured through intimidation, violence, and never showing weakness. Both are fundamentally incompatible with Islamic teachings.
Let us be absolutely clear from the beginning: toxic masculinity has no place in Islam. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never once told his companions that crying was weakness, that gentleness was feminine, or that might makes right. In fact, he demonstrated the exact opposite throughout his blessed life. Our understanding of manhood must come not from cultural expectations or prison yard politics, but from the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ.
Allah, in His infinite wisdom, selected Muhammad ﷺ as the perfect example for all humanity. A real man according to Islam is one who follows this exemplary model in both character and conduct. The Prophet ﷺ was simultaneously the bravest warrior on the battlefield and the most tender husband at home. He was firm in upholding truth and justice, yet he wept openly when moved by Allah's words or by compassion for others.
Consider deeply what Allah says about the only measure that truly matters:
[Quran,49:13,"O humanity! Indeed, We created you from a male and a female, and made you into peoples and tribes so that you may ˹get to˺ know one another. Surely the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous among you. Allah is truly All-Knowing, All-Aware."]
True nobility and real manhood are defined by taqwa—righteousness, God-consciousness, and consistent good character. Not by your physical strength, not by your reputation on the compound, not by how many people fear you. The question Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment is not "How tough were you?" but "How righteous were you?"
Brothers, many of you came from environments where manhood was proven through violence. Here in LECI, you live in an environment where that mentality is constantly reinforced. But Islam calls you to something higher, something infinitely more challenging than physical confrontation: the struggle against your own ego and desires. That is the greater jihad.
Allah describes the men who truly please Him:
[Quran,33:23,"Among the believers are men who have proven true to what they pledged to Allah. Some of them have fulfilled their pledge ˹with their lives˺, others are waiting ˹their turn˺. They have never changed ˹their commitment˺ in the least."]
Real men honor their commitments. When you make a promise, you keep it. When you pledge to Allah that you will pray five times daily, you fulfill it. When you commit to changing your life, you follow through regardless of how difficult it becomes. Real men do not make excuses; they make progress.
[Quran,9:119,"O believers! Be mindful of Allah and be with the truthful."]
Truthfulness is non-negotiable for the Muslim man. The Prophet ﷺ was known as Al-Amin, the Trustworthy, even by his enemies. Truth even when it hurts you. Truth even when a lie would be easier. Truth even when everyone else around you is lying.
[Hadith,Bukhari & Muslim,"The Prophet ﷺ said: 'The signs of a hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he promises, he breaks it; and when entrusted, he betrays.'"]
These are the characteristics of a hypocrite, not a man of faith. If you find these qualities in yourself, recognize them as spiritual diseases that must be cured. A man who lies is not respected by Allah, regardless of how much respect he commands from other inmates.
Allah commands us regarding justice:
[Quran,4:135,"O believers! Stand firm for justice as witnesses for Allah even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or close relatives. Be they rich or poor, Allah is best to ensure their interests. So do not let your desires cause you to deviate ˹from justice˺. If you distort the testimony or refuse to give it, then ˹know that˺ Allah is certainly All-Aware of what you do."]
A real man stands firmly for justice even when it costs him personally. Even if admitting the truth means admitting your own fault, you do it. Even if standing up for what is right means standing alone, you do it. In this environment especially, where loyalty to friends can sometimes conflict with doing what is right, you must have the courage to choose justice.
[Quran,4:58,"Indeed, Allah commands you to return trusts to their rightful owners; and when you judge between people, judge with fairness. What a noble commandment from Allah to you! Surely Allah is All-Hearing, All-Seeing."]
Brothers, real men fulfill trusts. If someone asks you to hold something, you do not touch it. If someone confides in you, you do not spread it. If you owe someone, you repay them. These are not small matters; they are fundamental to Islamic character.
The foundation of all good character is the heart:
[Hadith,Bukhari & Muslim,"Indeed, there is a piece of flesh in the body; if it is sound, the whole body is sound; if corrupt, the whole body is corrupt—it is the heart."]
Everything begins with purifying your heart. You can lift all the weights in the yard, you can have the respect of everyone on the compound, but if your heart is corrupt, you have nothing of value. Work on your heart through constant remembrance of Allah.
[Quran,33:35,"Surely ˹for˺ Muslim men and women, believing men and women, devout men and women, truthful men and women, patient men and women, humble men and women, charitable men and women, fasting men and women, men and women who guard their chastity, and men and women who remember Allah often—for ˹all of˺ them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward."]
Notice how Allah describes both men and women with the same qualities: truthfulness, patience, humility, charity, chastity, and constant remembrance of Allah. These are human virtues that every believer must embody. Real manhood is not about being different from women in character; it is about fulfilling your responsibilities with good character.
[Quran,29:45,"Recite what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish prayer. Indeed, ˹genuine˺ prayer should deter ˹one˺ from indecency and wickedness. The remembrance of Allah is ˹an˺ even greater ˹deterrent˺. And Allah ˹fully˺ knows what you ˹all˺ do."]
Prayer and dhikr are not passive activities. They actively protect you from falling into sin. When you pray your five daily prayers with presence and focus, you strengthen your resolve against evil. When you fill your tongue with the remembrance of Allah, you crowd out the curses, the gossip, and the destructive speech that fills this environment.
[Hadith,Tirmidhi,"Fear Allah wherever you are, follow a bad deed with a good one to erase it, and treat people with good character."]
This hadith provides a complete framework for life behind these walls. Fear Allah in your cell when no one sees you. When you slip and commit a sin, immediately counter it with a good deed. Treat everyone around you with good character, from the newest fish to the oldest convict, from the friendliest officer to the most difficult one.
[Quran,24:37,"˹They are˺ men who are not distracted—either by buying or selling—from Allah's remembrance, or performing prayer, or paying alms-tax. They fear a Day when hearts and eyes will tremble."]
Real men keep their priorities straight. Yes, you hustle for commissary, you handle your business, but never at the expense of salah. Never at the expense of your relationship with Allah. The dunya will distract you constantly, especially here where every day is about survival and getting by. But real men remain focused on what matters eternally.
[Hadith,Tirmidhi,"Part of a man's excellence in Islam is to leave what does not concern him."]
Stop involving yourself in drama that does not concern you. Stop gossiping about other inmates. Stop asking questions about matters that are none of your business. Focus on your own spiritual development and leave the rest.
Part Two: The Prophet's Model - Strength With Mercy, Justice With Compassion
Brothers, having established the foundation of Islamic manhood in Part One, I now want to show you the practical example of these principles in the life of the Prophet ﷺ. If you want to know what a real man looks like, study his character. He was not tough and distant. He was not cold and harsh. He was the perfect balance of strength and mercy, justice and compassion.
[Quote,Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA),Mustadrak,"We were a humiliated people and Allah honored us with Islam. If we seek honor elsewhere, He will humiliate us again."]
Some of you are seeking honor through prison politics, through your reputation, through your ability to intimidate others. That is seeking honor in the wrong place. Allah honors those who honor His commands. Submit completely to Islam and watch how Allah elevates you in ways you cannot imagine.
The Prophet ﷺ showed us that real strength is not in physical dominance but in self-control:
[Hadith,Bukhari & Muslim,"The strong man is not the one who wrestles others down, but the one who controls himself when angry."]
Brothers, think about this carefully. In this environment, you are tested with anger constantly. Disrespect, provocations, injustices both small and large. The immature response is to lash out, to prove you cannot be disrespected. The response of a real man, the response the Prophet ﷺ taught us, is to control that rage, to channel it appropriately, to not let your nafs control you.
I have seen brothers in here build incredible reputations for toughness, only to throw away years of their lives because they could not control their anger for five minutes. That is not strength; that is weakness. The man who walks away from a fight he could win, purely for the sake of Allah, has achieved a victory far greater than any physical confrontation.
[Quran,3:134,"˹They are˺ those who donate in prosperity and adversity, control their anger, and pardon others. And Allah loves the good-doers."]
Allah specifically mentions controlling anger and pardoning others among the characteristics of those He loves. Let that sink in. The Creator of the universe, the Lord of all power and might, loves those who control their anger and forgive others. That is the standard for real men.
The Prophet ﷺ was described by his wife Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her):
[Hadith,Bukhari,"He would be in the service of his family, and when the time for prayer came, he would go out for prayer."]
The greatest man who ever lived helped with household chores. He patched his own clothes, mended his own shoes, and served his family. There was no false pride, no "that is women's work" mentality. He demonstrated that real manhood includes humility and service.
[Hadith,Muslim,"The Prophet ﷺ said: 'The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.'"]
Brothers, many of you have wives and families on the outside who are struggling. How you treat them, even from in here through letters and phone calls, is a measure of your manhood. Are you harsh and demanding, or are you gentle and supportive? Do you burden them with your anger and frustration, or do you strengthen them with your patience and encouragement?
[Quran,90:17,"And ˹above all˺ to be one of those who have faith and urge each other to perseverance and urge each other to compassion."]
True strength combines perseverance with compassion. You need both. Persevere in righteousness, in your daily struggles, in fighting your nafs. But also show compassion to your fellow inmates, to those who are struggling, to those who make mistakes.
[Hadith,Tabarani,"The most beloved of people to Allah is the one who brings the most benefit to others."]
In this environment, there are countless opportunities to benefit others. Teach someone how to pray correctly. Share your Islamic knowledge with a new Muslim. Help someone fill out a form. Give part of your commissary to someone who has nothing. Stand up for someone being wronged. These are the actions of real men.
Consider the Prophet's mercy even toward those who wronged him:
[Hadith,Bukhari & Muslim,"When the people of Ta'if stoned him until his blessed feet bled, the angel of the mountains came to him and asked, 'Shall I bring down the mountains upon them?' The Prophet ﷺ said, 'No, I hope that Allah will bring forth from their descendants people who will worship Allah Alone.'"]
This is the character of a real man. Severely wronged, bleeding, in pain, yet his response is hope and mercy, not revenge. Brothers, when someone wrongs you in here, your response should be measured and guided by Islamic principles, not by rage and retaliation.
The scholars and righteous predecessors understood this deeply:
[Quote,Ali ibn Abi Talib (RA),Zuhd,"Being a man is not about growing a beard or having muscles, but fulfilling responsibilities and upholding the truth."]
Your responsibilities behind these walls are limited but critical: your five daily prayers, your treatment of others, your remembrance of Allah, your character development. Fulfill these responsibilities with excellence.
[Quote,Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA),Zuhd of Ibn al-Mubarak,"The best man is not the one who can fight best, but the one who fears Allah most."]
Who is the most respected man in this congregation? Not the toughest, but the most God-conscious. The brother who never misses a prayer, who guards his tongue, who treats everyone with respect, who handles every test with patience—that is the real man among us.
[Quote,Hasan al-Basri,Az-Zuhd by Imam Ahmad,"Manhood is not by age or strength but patience in hardship and truthfulness."]
You are all in hardship. Every single day behind bars is a test of patience. Your manhood is proven not by how you handle the easy days, but by how you maintain your character during the hardest times.
[Quote,Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal,Tabaqat al-Hanabilah,"A real man fears Allah in secret and public and speaks only truth."]
What do you do in your cell when you are alone? Do you guard your eyes from haram, or do you look at things Allah has forbidden? Do you pray on time even when no one sees you, or do you only pray when you are in the dayroom? Real manhood is consistent in private and public.
[Quote,Sufyan ath-Thawri,Siyar A'lam an-Nubala',"Bravery is not wielding a sword but speaking the truth when others are silent."]
True courage in this environment is standing up for what is right when everyone else is going along with what is wrong. It is speaking truth to power. It is refusing to participate in harm even when refusing costs you socially. It is being the odd man out for the sake of Allah.
Brothers, I want to speak directly about prison culture's definition of manhood because it is poisonous and it destroys lives. The idea that you must never show emotion, never admit weakness, never ask for help, never back down from confrontation—these are not Islamic values. The Prophet ﷺ cried. He admitted when he needed help. He sought counsel. He turned away from unnecessary conflict.
The culture that says real men do not snitch even on the most evil behavior is not from Islam. If you witness oppression, if you see someone being harmed, if you know of serious wrongdoing, Islam may require you to speak up. Justice is more important than false loyalty to criminals.
The culture that says respect is earned through violence and maintained through intimidation is not from Islam. Respect in Islam is earned through good character and maintained through consistency in righteousness.
The culture that glorifies gang affiliations and criminal enterprises as forms of brotherhood is not from Islam. Real brotherhood is what we share in this masjid: faith-based, purpose-driven, aimed at pleasing Allah and supporting each other toward Paradise.
You have a choice, brothers. You can continue defining your manhood by the standards of a system designed to keep you oppressed and failing. Or you can redefine your entire identity according to the standards that Allah has revealed. When you walk back to your housing unit after Jumu'ah, you can choose to return to old patterns, or you can walk as a new man—a man defined by Islam, not by incarceration.
Real manhood behind these walls means waking up for Fajr when you could sleep in. It means making wudu with cold water in winter. It means fasting Ramadan while everyone around you is eating. It means lowering your gaze in an environment saturated with haram. It means guarding your tongue when everyone else is cursing. It means maintaining your salah even when you are moved to a new unit. It means sending positive letters home to your family instead of burdening them with your troubles. It means helping the new Muslim learn how to pray instead of mocking his mistakes.
Brothers, ask yourself constantly: What would the Prophet ﷺ do in this situation? When you are about to respond to disrespect, ask yourself what he would do. When you are about to join in on gossip, ask yourself what he would do. When you are about to miss a prayer because of laziness, ask yourself what he would do. Let his example guide every decision.
[Quran,33:21,"Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example for whoever has hope in Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah often."]
We have the perfect example. Follow it. Embody it. Become the kind of man that the Prophet ﷺ would be proud to call his follower. That is real manhood according to Islam: character over culture, submission over stubbornness, righteousness over reputation.
Closing Dua Section
We ask Allah, the Most Merciful, to guide us to true manhood as defined by the Quran and exemplified by the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.
[Dua,اللَّهُمَّ أَلْهِمْنِي رُشْدِي وَأَعِذْنِي مِنْ شَرِّ نَفْسِي,Allahumma alhimnee rushdee wa-a'idhnee min sharri nafsee,O Allah, inspire me with guidance and protect me from the evil of my own self.]
[Dua,اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْنِي خَيْرًا مِمَّا يَظُنُّونَ وَاغْفِرْ لِي مَا لَا يَعْلَمُونَ,Allahumma aj'alnee khayran mimma yadhunnoon, waghfir lee ma la ya'lamoon,O Allah, make me better than what they think of me, and forgive me for what they do not know about me.]
[Dua,رَبَّنَا ظَلَمْنَا أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمْ تَغْفِرْ لَنَا وَتَرْحَمْنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ,Rabbana dhalamna anfusana wa-in lam taghfir lana wa-tarhamna lanakoonanna min al-khasireen,Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers.]
[Dua,اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْهُدَى وَالتُّقَى وَالْعَفَافَ وَالْغِنَى,Allahumma innee as'aluka al-huda wa-t-tuqa wa-l-'afafa wa-l-ghina,O Allah, I ask You for guidance, righteousness, chastity, and contentment.]
[Dua,اللَّهُمَّ حَبِّبْ إِلَيَّ الإِيمَانَ وَزَيِّنْهُ فِي قَلْبِي وَكَرِّهْ إِلَيَّ الْكُفْرَ وَالْفُسُوقَ وَالْعِصْيَانَ,Allahumma habbib ilayya al-eemana wa zayyinhu fee qalbee wa karrih ilayya al-kufra wa-l-fusooqa wa-l-'isyaan,O Allah, make faith beloved to me and beautify it in my heart, and make me hate disbelief, wickedness, and disobedience.]
[Dua,رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلاَةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِي رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاء,Rabbi aj'alnee muqeema as-salati wa min dhurriyyatee rabbana wa-taqabbal du'a,My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and [many] from my descendants. Our Lord, and accept my supplication.]
[Dua,اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ عِلْمٍ لَا يَنْفَعُ وَمِنْ قَلْبٍ لَا يَخْشَعُ وَمِنْ نَفْسٍ لَا تَشْبَعُ وَمِنْ دَعْوَةٍ لَا يُسْتَجَابُ لَهَا,Allahumma innee a'oodhu bika min 'ilmin la yanfa', wa min qalbin la yakhsha', wa min nafsin la tashba', wa min da'watin la yustajabu laha,O Allah, I seek refuge in You from knowledge that is of no benefit, from a heart that does not fear You, from a soul that is never satisfied, and from a supplication that is not answered.]
[Dua,رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي الآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ,Rabbana atina fi-d-dunya hasanatan wa fi-l-akhirati hasanatan wa qina 'adhaba an-naar,Our Lord, give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.]
We ask Allah to make us firm upon His straight path, to guide us in every decision, to protect us from the evil within ourselves and around us, and to grant us the strength to be real men according to His definition, not the world's.
Whatever good was said in this khutbah is from Allah alone, and whatever mistakes or errors are from myself and from Shaytan. I ask Allah to forgive me and you for any shortcomings.
I say these words of mine, and I seek forgiveness from Allah for myself and you all. Seek His forgiveness—indeed, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.
[Arabic,أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَذَا، وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ، فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ. ]