Nawawi Hadith 12: The Wisdom of Restraint

Part One: Perfecting Islam Through Restraint

Brothers,

Today’s khutbah is based on the 12th hadith in Imam Nawawi’s 40 Hadith:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: 'Part of the perfection of a person's Islam is his leaving that which does not concern him.' (Tirmidhi)

This hadith was graded hasan by Imam Tirmidhi and is counted among the comprehensive statements of the Prophet ﷺ, short in wording but wide in meaning. It touches the tongue, the eyes, the time, and the effort of every believer. It asks a single question of each of us: is this my business?

Scholars of hadith place this saying among a small group of narrations they call jawami’ al-kalim, comprehensive statements that compress an entire branch of good character into a single sentence. A man who genuinely lives by this one line has solved most of his problems with gossip, most of his wasted time, and much of the conflict that follows him from place to place.

Part 1: What “Perfection of Islam” Means

The Prophet ﷺ links this trait to ihsan, excellence in religion, not to the bare minimum of belief. A man can be a Muslim while still being a busybody, still inserting himself into every argument, still following every piece of news that has nothing to do with him. But he will not reach the level of a muhsin, one who does things beautifully, until he learns to mind his own affairs.

Successful indeed are the believers: those who humble themselves in their prayers, and who avoid idle talk. (Al-Muminoon, 23:1-3)

Laghw, idle and pointless talk, is named here in the same breath as successful prayer. Turning away from what does not concern you is not a small manner. It is listed among the qualities of the believers who succeed.

Part 2: What Counts as “That Which Does Not Concern You”

This includes conversations you were not part of, disputes between two other men, private matters of someone’s family, and information you were never meant to have. It includes following news purely for entertainment, watching other people’s business unfold like a spectator, and inserting your opinion where nobody asked for it. It includes asking questions whose only purpose is curiosity rather than a genuine need to help, and it includes staying involved in a matter long after your part in it, if you ever had one, has ended.

O you who believe! Avoid many suspicions, for some suspicions are sinful. And do not spy on or backbite one another. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of their dead brother? You would hate it ˹so hate backbiting˺! And be mindful of Allah. Surely Allah is Accepting of Repentance, Most Merciful. (Al-Hujuraat, 49:12)

Spying (tajassus) is the deliberate hunting for information that is none of your business. Allah forbids it outright, because it always leads to backbiting, and backbiting always leads to broken relationships.

Part 3: The Danger of a Loose Tongue and a Wandering Attention

Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent. (Bukhari & Muslim)

This companion hadith, which we will study more fully soon, works hand in hand with this one. A man who has trained himself to leave what does not concern him has already solved most of the problem of the tongue, because most sinful speech is speech about other people’s affairs.

This hadith is one of the great foundations of good manners. Whoever reflects on it will find that it gathers together most of the etiquettes of the religion. (Imam al-Nawawi, Sharh al-Arba'in)

Part 4: Focus on Your Own Soul First

O you who believe! You are responsible for your own souls. Anyone who goes astray cannot harm you if you are ˹rightly˺ guided. To Allah you will all return, and He will inform you of what you used to do. (Al-Maaida, 5:105)

This verse is often misunderstood as an excuse to stop caring about others entirely, but read carefully it says the opposite of laziness. It says: your first and most urgent project is your own soul. Guide it before you spend your limited hours and words trying to manage everyone else’s business.

Part 5: Covering What Is Not Yours to Expose

There is a companion side to this hadith beyond disputes and rumors. Sometimes what “does not concern you” is something you learn by accident: a man’s past mistake, a private weakness, a secret he never intended for you to know. The instinct in many environments is to file that information away, to use it later, to bring it up when convenient. The Prophet ﷺ taught something entirely different.

Whoever conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults in this world and in the Hereafter. (Muslim)

The believer conceals and advises. The wicked exposes and shames. (Fudayl ibn Iyad)

Minding your own affairs includes minding what you do with knowledge of someone else’s affairs that fell into your hands unasked. Bury it, exactly as you would want your own weaknesses buried by anyone who happened to learn them. This one habit alone, refusing to trade in other men’s secrets, will earn you a reputation for trustworthiness that very few men in any environment ever build.

Part Two: The Freedom of Minding Your Own Affairs

Brothers,

Part 6: Yard Politics, Cell Gossip, and the Weight of Other Men’s Business

Brothers, few environments test this hadith like the one you live in. Information moves fast here. Everyone seems to know everyone’s case, everyone’s history, everyone’s beef. There is pressure to have an opinion on every dispute, to take a side in every argument between other men, to pass along whatever you heard about who said what to whom.

This hadith is your way out of that trap. When a conflict between two other men has nothing to do with you, it is not your business to referee it, spread it, or take sides in it. When you hear a rumor about another man’s case, his family, his past, it is not yours to repeat. When gossip travels down the tier, you do not have to be the next link in the chain.

This is not weakness or fear. It is strength of character, and it is also self-protection. A man who inserts himself into every dispute on the yard eventually becomes a target in one that was never his. A man who repeats every rumor eventually gets caught holding one that gets him in real trouble, with staff or with other inmates. Silence about what is not your concern is often the safest position in this place, and it is always the more righteous one.

It also protects your own case. Idle talk, secondhand information, and rumors passed as fact have gotten men transferred, written up, and denied programs for things they had no real part in beyond repeating what they heard. Guard your tongue about other men’s business, and you guard your own future.

Part 7: What TO Concern Yourself With

Turning away from what does not concern you frees enormous time and energy for what does: your five daily prayers, your Quran memorization, your own character, your family who is waiting for you, your own rehabilitation and growth. Every minute spent tracking someone else’s drama is a minute not spent on your own soul, and your soul is the only thing you will actually be questioned about.

I have met people who paid no attention to anyone's faults but their own, and who were busier reforming themselves than reforming others. (Hasan al-Basri)

Measure your day honestly. How many minutes went to your own prayer, your own reading, your own letters to your family, compared to how many minutes went to tracking a conflict that was never yours, or turning over a rumor in your mind? The ratio tells you where your real priorities sit, whatever you claim they are.

Part 8: A Daily Practice

Before you speak about someone else’s situation, ask: did this concern reach me because I was meant to help, or only because I was nearby and curious? Before you repeat something you heard, ask: do I know this is true, and is it mine to share? Before you join an argument that is not yours, ask: what does Allah want from me in this moment, silence or speech?

Practice saying nothing when nothing is required of you. It is one of the hardest disciplines and one of the most rewarded. Start small: pick one conversation today where you would normally have inserted an opinion, and simply let it pass without you. Notice how little was actually lost, and how much peace was gained. Repeat that same small discipline tomorrow, and the day after, until restraint stops feeling like a loss and starts feeling like relief.

O Allah, perfect our Islam by helping us leave what does not concern us.

O Allah, guard our tongues from gossip, backbiting, and idle talk.

O Allah, occupy us with the reform of our own souls before we look to reform others.

O Allah, protect us from the drama and disputes of others that are not ours to carry.

O Allah, give us the wisdom to know when to speak and when silence is the better worship.

O Allah, make our time here productive for our akhirah and not wasted on others’ affairs.

O Allah, keep our records clean of the trouble that idle talk brings upon a man.

O Allah, cover our faults as we strive to cover the faults of our brothers.

O Allah, teach us the value of silence in a place that rewards noise.

O Allah, make us people who are trusted with secrets and never seek them out.